On a cold, blustery day, I sit by my fireplace catching up on emails while Netflix plays in the background. The freezing rain pelts the side of my house making little, knocking noises against the siding. My wind-chimes are quickly singing a song as the wind swirls and blows outside. All is well… or is it?
I am tired.
I am tired of being worried about my own two children every time I send them off to school.
I am tired of playing scenarios in my head of where I might hide, how might I help students, what would I do if…
Something has got to change.
I have noticed that people, both adults and children, suffer from this lack of being heard; a lack of validation. It seems the only way to be heard is by lashing out verbally, physically, emotionally. People have to be the loudest, most disruptive force in a room. If you don’t hear me, if you don’t agree with me, if you don’t see me, then I will be the loudest one here and by that, “I win.”
How do we counter that? I don’t know. Maybe we need to have more conversations with each other, spend more time together, lower the pressures and expectations of our society, and change the mindset of, “the more stuff I enroll my kid in, the better they will be.”
People are not just data points, statistics, or a series of checkmarks on a long list of college entrance expectations. We truly seem to lack this investment in humanity. How has this gotten so out of control?
We need to invest in all students and people -- even the ones how are hard to reach! Guess what, they need us more than ever. We, as a global community, need a mindset reset! We need to change our mindset and investment in humanity. We need to focus on the growth and cultivation of exceptional people. We HAVE to change our expectations for ourselves and for the people with whom we interact. We need to celebrate differences and learn from each other. If I don’t do try… if you don’t try… then what are we truly to do?
*This blog has been inspired by current events in the U.S. and our local community. A huge shout out to my people who jump-started this conversational blog with our icy morning texts, @PK5Cramer, @CaraMcNorton, and @SunnyHalsted = I heart you!
She sits on the floor of of her bedroom, back against the bed. Her head is in her hands, tears stream down her face. All of the weight of the world is on her shoulders. She gives and gives and gives. She gives to her family, her friends. She gives to her colleagues. She gives to her students. She gives so much with nothing in return. All she has are her emotions.
She is now at the point where she has moved out further from shore. Then another wave comes and crashes on her head; she struggles to catch her breath. This is that pivotal moment that comes in a person’s life where they get to choose to let the waves win or to reach out for help, support, and safety -- for a lifeline.
The importance of self-care is essential. I have met and worked with many people over the course of ten years in education and that statement is more true than ever. We live and work in a time where schedules are full, expectations in the workplace are high, and we rarely have a moment to ourselves. It is always GO, GO, GO! You know those feelings and thoughts that sit in the back of your mind: If you don’t outwork others, you will be left behind. If you don’t always look like you have “it” together, you will be deemed basic.
What if you take time to do the things you love, that recharge your soul. Read a book. Listen to a podcast. Go do some yoga. Watch Netflix. For the love, most importantly of all, surround yourself with people who are truly investing in YOU and building you up. When those moments of being overwhelmed come and consume us, it is imperative to have a lifeline who will serve as that rock and anchor. These lifeliners keep us from drifting away into open waters. They help pull us back to shore.
If you find that you are in a good space, make sure to check-in on your people. Offer to be that rock and anchor. Be available to be a lifeline that brings them home. And when your moment comes, because you know it will, you can call upon those people to be yours.
As December winds down, I love to reflect on the year as a whole. I often find myself in my thinking quadrant, but this time of year I look at my life, beliefs, feelings, and actions from a 10,000 foot view. January is on the horizon. It’s a new year. It’s a fresh start.
Every year there is an undercurrent of excitement as New Year’s Eve approaches. There are hopes, dreams, tomorrow. Then it happens -- midnight. It’s a new year and time for bed. The next morning begins and we all go back to the exact same habits, the exact same routines that we had the day before.
I don’t know about you, but I have all of these plans to make changes in my life that inevitably fall short. Why? Maybe I’m not fully committed. Maybe I am not intentional with my goals. Maybe these choices were just a fleeting thought. Well, not this year. 2018 will be different. While I would like to workout more, drink less coffee (Okay, that is NOT going to happen!), learn how to play an instrument, jump-start writing my book, spend less cash …. The list goes on and on. I realize that best use of my talents, passions, and most important investment that I can make in 2018 is in my relationships with others.
Goals for 2018
It is imperative for us as humans to be present with people. Put your phone down and turn off your iPad (I know right!?!). When others share their story, stop and truly listen to them. Validate their thoughts and feeling. Being present is essential to cultivating strong human-to-human relationships.
So often we are quick to judge and impose our thoughts on others. Being gentle means we all must invite people into a conversation where we can be honest, kind, and real. Curb your agenda and practice gentleness so that when it’s your turn, you may also receive gentleness.
Reduce Negative Investments
Yes, there are those who are “fun-suckers”. Those who no matter what will never be happy or satisfied with you, your actions, or the shell of a relationship that exists. So, reduce the investment. This is a wonderful opportunity to practice kindness, while not caring what that Negative Nancy thinks or says about you. It’s quite freeing -- give it a try.
Surround Yourself with Your Peeps
Your peeps are your “Fortress of Solitude”. These people get the real you and are the number one support system for you. Choose your people wisely. These carefully selected people, can and should build you up. They should offer sound advice. They should make you laugh. The should not stress you out, too often. They should encourage you to follow your dreams. They should challenge your thinking to help guide you to a new and better self. Your people frame and shape you. Find your people and in return, be that person for someone else.
So here’s the challenge: What might your investment be for 2018?
Mena T. Hill
Educator, Wife, Mother, Colorado Native